I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
