i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Let the clothes fall where they may.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
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