I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Randomize
