Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Randomize
