Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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