omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
