ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
