sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
well you can't waste a boner
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
