Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
