There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I forgot wine drunk hurts
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I'm having to shit out rocks
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
