Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
