I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
