I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
He shit in the fireplace
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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