I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
