I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
