I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
