my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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