All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
