thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
