is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
how drunk are you?
Several
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
