i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
