Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
