fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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