Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
