I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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