When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
