You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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