forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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