Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Randomize
