i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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