yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
should my penis look like a turkey
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
