im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
