Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
i've created a new STD.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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