: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
