I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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