I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
