he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
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