You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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