I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
