Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
