rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
