I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Randomize
