At least make sure they are 18
Why
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
