Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Randomize
