I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
i drank out of a bidet.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
At least life still wants to fuck me.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
