i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
