Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
