i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
