what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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