Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
You may now shotgun with the bride
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
