boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
