he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
