The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
