I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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