I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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