fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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