When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
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